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Phil, 41, an insurance agent and Marge, 42, a high school math supervisor have been married 17 years. They have three children, two boys, 15 and 12, and a ten year old daughter. Both are active in church and community affairs and have a lifestyle that moves at the speed of light. The pressure is just too much and they're both about to crack.
Marge: How come you’re sitting down? We’re not finished yet.
Phil: I’m sitting because I’ve worked non-stop and I’m exhausted.
Marge: Okay, I know you’re tired, I’m tired too, but there’s still a lot to do before we go to bed. Come on, can’t you just hold out a little longer? Let’s work together and we’ll get it done -
Phil: I’m wasted. I’ve had it. I’ve reached my limit.
Marge: I don’t want to clean anymore either, but -
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Phil: Then don’t, if you don’t want to -
Marge: You know what’s going to happen if we both take off now?
Phil: You know what’s going to happen if I push myself beyond my limits? Like I do all the time?
Marge: What? What will happen?
Phil: I’ll get sick, I won’t function at work tomorrow. I’ve got to set limits for myself. Enough is enough.
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Marge: Maybe for you. Not for me. You just tune it out, Phil. I don’t know how you do it. An elephant could defecate on your head and you wouldn’t even blink. I’ve got to think and work for both of us. I can’t take it anymore. I want you to help. I don’t want the chaos.
Phil: If I go on, I’ll have chaos inside of me.
Marge: Okay, just give me another 15 minutes, and whatever we finish, we finish. The rest we’ll leave for tomorrow.
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Phil: No Marge, I’m not willing to do that!
Marge: But look at this mess, Phil! The kids will get up in the morning to a total disaster!
Phil: You’re just not getting the message! Listen, I’m trying to tell you something! I’m exhausted, this is it, I’m stopping right now. I know there’s a lot more, I can see that, but I just can’t do it!
Marge: Well, I feel like I can’t stop.
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Phil: Then don’t!
Marge: Okay, I’m trying not to get mad. I understand you’re really tired, so go take a short break -
Phil: No, I ‘m not taking any breaks. I’m just stopping.
Marge: You know, Phil, I can also be tired at the wrong times...
Marge's Comments
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I cannot stand the absolute chaos in this house anymore. It’s making me physically sick. The kids come down to breakfast in the morning to a total mess. Not only does he not help me pick up the kids’ stuff, he doesn’t even put away his own things. It’s impossible to think clearly in a house like this. Getting the kids off to school is a nightmare. They can’t find their books, they can’t find their clothes.
How are they supposed to learn from us? We are the ones who have to set an example of a clean, orderly house, but I do all the work myself. And I’m not in the house full time. I work outside the house. I come home, he comes home, he’s tired. Doesn’t he know that I’m tired? Doesn’t he know that I had a hard day? Doesn't he know that I have to deal with the kids and help them with their homework?
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When I come home and the house is in order, no matter what goes wrong at school, it changes my whole mood. I don’t feel like things are out of control.
Phil's Comments
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I’m sick and tired of being controlled by Marge’s anxiety. Unless everything is done perfectly she makes herself and everyone around her crazy. Okay, there’s a lot that has to be done, but at some point you’ve got to say no. Her drivenness is terrible for all of us, for me and for the kids. If I sit down, she feels like I’m taking advantage of her. If I try to read a book, she gets upset with me because I should be doing something else.
I don’t know why she’s so unhappy. Is there something else going on here?