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Dr. Tobin’s road map of proven principles to create a loving marriage, or how to avoid marital mind fields, pitfalls, and other challenges.

LOVE - - What is it? First, let me tell you what it isn't. It's not a something we fall in or out of. It's not a dreamy, blissful state where all fears, doubts, and worries melt away as we merge into one flesh. And it's not those glorious first moments of your first love when you were swept away in a wave of ecstasy. I know that's what the music industry and Hollywood would like us to believe. It's interesting how we use language.

The comedienne, Phyllis Diller, once said, "Don't go to bed mad, stay up and fight!" Well, that's not the best advice, but it beats doing the "I'll - pretend - to sleep - but - what - I'll - really - do - is - toss - and - turn - groan - and - moan - and - make - you - as - miserable - as - I - am routine." Whether you stay up all night fighting or tossing and turning, one thing is certain, you'll be exhausted and miserable and your problem won't go away. So what's the alternative? How does a couple fight fairly and resolve conflicts?

By Mark Frauenfelder for Real Families, Real Fun So, you've dropped the kids off at the babysitter or the grandparents', and you have a few hours to relive the halcion days of life B.C. (Before Children). Rule Number One: Plan ahead! Time alone with your spouse is precious and necessary to keep you from going bonkers, so make sure you're all set to go as soon as your children are in safe hands. To help you plan your fabulous date visit the following sites: * Moviefone.com "Hello, and welcome to Moviefone!" The obnoxious Moviefone announcer is happily absent from this site, but with several ways to search the site, it's got what you need to find a good flick in your neighborhood.

I remember boredom. Those were the bad old days. And nights. When boredom would creep into our relationship, with its own organic rhythm, I would always go wild. Not the positive, empowering, sensuous wild of Women Who Run With the Wolves but the mean streak wild, the tormented wild, the destructive wild, the restless wild of the starving soul wanting to be fed by the other.

Even though the male/female ratio of Internet users has come to a balance, roughly 50/50, 75% of the letters received in the Marriage Center come from women. Can it be that the virtual life on the Internet reflects the real life outside of the box? It seems that, when it comes to intimate relationship, the majority of the seekers, the menders, and the holders of the torch that brings more light to intimate relationship are still the women.

Personal responsibility is one of the least understood concepts in modern psychology. A person who would say about himself, "I'm responsible. I get to places on time. I pay my bills. When I promise to do something, I do it," would be describing very fine qualities. However, being reliable and conscientious are not definitions of personal responsibility.

Perhaps, a way of defining personal responsibility is by telling you what it's not.

by Chantal Danino Holt. I am a firm believer that everything that comes our way, the good and the bad, is to teach us about ourselves and to help us grow. This is what I call "life's lessons." There is a reliable pattern to one's awareness and application of life's lessons. The process is one of identification, understanding, accepting, applying the lesson, and moving on. To illustrate this process, here is a step-by step account of my inner work, as applied to a bad case of flu which kept me in bed for a week. 1. Identification Identifying the signs that lead to a crisis is the first step of the healing process.

It's become a cliche by now that men stop talking once they get married. My husband, Dan, is no exception. Like everyone, I remember those late, sometimes all-night talks. What started out as loose and free-flowing has turned into something more akin to constipation. It's the surface that bores me. And after 15 years of marriage, a lot of what Dan and I have is surface. Will you put in a load of laundry? Do you have time to take the dog to the vet? "How was your trip?" "Fine." "What did you do?" "Oh, the usual.

Think about this question for a moment. Are you as polite, kind and considerate to your partner as you are to a casual acquaintance? For most of us, the answer is no. How come? How is it that this same person that you now hardly give a moment's thought to, unless it's negative, could be the same one to whom you once were so loving, giving and appreciative?

"The perfectly mature and spiritually valid relationship must always be deeply connected with personal growth... At any given moment, each partner will serve as a mirror to the inner state of the other and therefore to the relationship." "Creating Union" by Eva Pierrakos and Judith Saly! Being in a love relationship is a human need, essential like breathing fresh air and drinking clean water.

"The search for true love is a spiritual quest." At the dawn of the new millennium, the main complaint from partners in intimate relationships is the lack of passion and romance in their marriage. The big crisis of modern marriage is that it tends to become about arrangements: I'll pick up the kids, - I'll do this, you'll do that. Married couples are so busy managing their marital lives that they tend to eliminate all the fun of being together.

You can't make anyone love you and nobody can make you happy. Whew, is that ever hard to buy. I can already hear the screams of protest: "What do you mean you can't get anyone to love you? What a depressing thought! You mean there's nothing I can do to get my wife to love me? What are you saying? There's no love in a marriage? If so, why get involved with someone if they can't make you happy! Why are you telling us this depressing garbage?" Well, the truth of the matter is, it's not depressing; it's liberating! Here's how: First of all, we've all been hypnotized into believing that our true love will heal all hurts.