Toilet Learning

Q: Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I just read your article Toilet Training Step by Step and found it very helpful. It was easy to read and very informative. I do have some questions, though, specifically related to toilet training my daughter. She is now 30 months and we have been "potty training" for around 10 months. Sounds crazy, I know. I started at the insistence of my family (my first mistake) shortly after my son was born. I put her in pull-ups (mistake #2) and started sitting her on the potty at regular intervals (like all the articles say) with success off and on for the past few months.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, My oldest son (he will be five-years-old next month) refuses to use the potty, he won't go near it. I have tried different things, such as rewards, potty-time videos, potty books and nothing has worked. He is in preschool three days a week and, of course, he was supposed to have been trained before entering this preschool, but he just wears his pull-ups and so far hasn't had any accidents. When asked why he doesn't want to use the potty, he just says he's not ready.

My three-year-old will have nothing to do with the potty. She's in pull-ups but treats them like diapers. I think we goofed because for two days we put her in panties and she only had two wet accidents. But she was afraid to have a b.m. When she finally did, it was in her panties and she was obviously ashamed. We weren't angry, but frustrated and she knew it. Now she will only go on the potty when she feels like having a candy, which we give her as a prize.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, How do you deal with a child who, despite being reassured that she's doing well, gets frightened and tries to climb off the potty in the middle of a bowel movement? My answer would depend on where your child is in the toilet training process. If your child is at the beginning of the process and has not yet really established training for urine, then I would not push things by trying to force her to have bowel movements on the potty, if she is not yet secure in doing so.

READY...... How do you know if your child is ready for toilet training? Although there are parents who swear that their one and a half year olds are perfectly trained, in my experience, most children are not ready to be trained until they are approximately two and a half and sometimes later.