Early Childhood Development Center

A word about book recommendations: The age at which a child can benefit from a book varies. Some children have the patience to listen to actual stories by age two, while others do not develop this ability until later. In addition, a child's understanding and ability to learn from different kinds of material grows as he does. In giving age recommendations, I tried to consider when it is worthwhile to start reading a book to your child.

Dear Parents, My goal in the arts and crafts section, will be to give you fun, different activities to do with your child that will not require a lot of time, money or mess. These are not fancy projects that will end up on your mantelpiece for years to come. These are projects your child can be proud of and really feel that she made on her own. I (for the most part) will use materials that you have sitting around the house and usually throw away or basic preschool arts and crafts items. Here is a list of some things you might want to save and of basic pre-school arts and crafts items that I recommend for every home. Basic Items Colored construction paper Plain white drawing paper Small glues (buy a bigger one for a refill) Child size scissor (lefty scissors if your child is left handed) Thick and thin magic markers Crayons Pastels Paint Paintbrushes (thick and thin) Household items to Save Inside of paper towel rolls Inside of toilet paper rolls Soda bottles Coffee tins Wrapping paper Magazines/catalogues (especially child-related ones) Yogurt containers Cereal boxes If you have a baby you can also save: formula containers, diaper wipe containers This does not mean you should save all of these, all the time.

Does your child constantly bother you while you're preparing food in the kitchen? Are you tired of hearing your child complain about the food you make? Here's my suggestion: Involve your child in the cooking process! I love cooking with children. I know, I know -- sometimes kids make a mess in the kitchen. Everything takes longer to do and what if the kids ruin the recipe? Any or all of the above may be true, but the potential for fun and learning outweigh the risks! And you may discover that you love it, too! Kids love being involved with preparing food.

Do you want to try cooking with your kids, but you don't know what recipes to choose? OR Do you already love cooking with your kids and are looking for a new fun way to do it? Try printing out these fun and simple recipes to use with your children. Over ten years ago, when I first became a pre-school teacher, I by chance purchased a slim soft-cover cookbook. This cookbook, Kinder-Krunchies - healthy snack recipes for children, by Karen S. Jenkins, became the basis for hours and hours of fun and educational experiences for my students and later on for my own children.

I love reading with my son. I love sitting with my arms around him, holding him close and watching the smile on his face when I get to his favorite part of a book. I love to hear the feeling of accomplishment in his voice as he fills in the next word or see the expression on his face as he points to his favorite picture. WHAT, YOU ASK IS THE BEST REASON TO READ TO YOUR CHILD? I could quote to you research proving that the younger you start reading to your child, the better he will do in school.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have an eight-month-old son who is bottle-fed. I have a problem getting him to sleep all the way though the night, and to take longer naps. I am also having problems getting him to drink more than four ounces at a time. He wants to eat four ounces or less and then wants more about an hour or two later. He only takes two to three naps of about 20-45 minutes each. I hear that they are supposed to be sleeping about two hours at a time.

When our son, Yosef, was four, we were having a very hard time getting him to sleep at night. He would get out of bed repeatedly with numerous requests or demand that one of us stay with him until he fell asleep -- which would usually take an hour or two. After several months of dedicating my entire evening to putting this child to sleep, I decided to try problem-solving -- one of the many fine ideas in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, The last 3 months my husband and I have been letting our 2-year-old daughter sleep in our bedroom at night with us. Not with us, but on the floor. She doesn't want to sleep in her room (which is just one level down from our room) because she doesn't want to be away from us. She says she gets scared. We always assure her that there is nothing to be scared of. We used to be able to read to her and rock her to sleep to a lullaby tape, then lay her down in her bed.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, Hi, my concern is of my five-year-old son. I really think he has panic attacks and I don't know how to deal with this. It started about a month and a half ago at preschool. He said he was scared to be there alone without me anymore and wouldn't stay. I haven't been able to leave him there without a fight ever since. Nothing has happen to him there he just started fearing me leaving him. He gets hysterical and inconsolable. He also says that he feels like throwing up and that his throat feels funny. He says all this in the mist of his screaming and crying for me. I waited outside the door one day and he cried for a half hour. He gets very angry and will kick or hit things.

Yes, the time has come. It seems like only yesterday you were holding an infant in your arms and the thought of sending him off to school seemed, oh, decades away. But as hard as it may be to believe, your son or daughter will soon be three and the big decision needs to be made. Now is the time to choose your child's first formal educational experience - PRE-SCHOOL! A child's pre-school experience lays the foundation for future learning. Academic skills are important, but not nearly as important as the attitude and love the child acquires towards learning and exploring the world around him.

Some Tips To Help Your Child (and You) Start The School Year Off Right! Entering pre-school is a big step for children and their parents. Whether this is your child's first time away from home or whether your child is used to a babysitter or a daycare experience, a child's first experience in a formal educational setting is an important first step towards a lifetime of education. Here are some tips for starting off the school year on the right foot. Things to do before the first day: Visit Your Child's New School Together With Your Child. Most schools have some sort of orientation program before the first day.

Q: Dear WholeMom, My six year old daughter refuses to do her work at school. I have tried everything from rewards to limits on her activities. We have talked about it, we have agreed on the reward/limit system to no avail. I'm afraid she'll have to repeat kindergarten. At Wit's End WholeMom Answers: Esther Boylan Wolfson, Director, Early Childhood Development Center Answers: Dear At Wit's End, For some reason your daughter is not functioning in her kindergarten class. Without knowing anything more about her or your family situation or the class she's in, I can only suggest that you check all of the following: Is her kindergarten a well-run program in which the other children are functioning well and are happy? Is there anything going on at home that might cause her to be unhappy and to exhibit that unhappiness in school by not doing her work? If she's in a good program, has a warm, caring teacher and everything is fine at home, you should check the following: 1.

Dear WholeMom, Why isn't there a test to determine readiness for kindergarten, instead of these magical dates that are law? I have a son whose birthday is 19 days past our state cutoff date, and I feel that he's ready for kindergarten now instead of waiting a year. He thinks he's ready as well, and has been pushing the issue. He has met all of the requirements listed by the school district, such as knowing his ABC's, counting to 20, starting to read, dressing himself, etc. and is extremely bored in preschool. He even does 1000 piece puzzles and uses my home computer to entertain himself! He's been in daycare since 3 months of age, so he's used to socializing. I am worried that he will be as bored in school as I was and lose interest completely.

I have been working only part-time (15-25 hrs. a week) since my little boy was born. He is now five years old, and I am going back to a full forty-hour workweek. He is, of course, in kindergarten for a couple of hours in the afternoons. Daddy will be taking care of him during the day--I won't be home until 5:15 PM or so. I have so many fears that he will be missing out on all our great times together (painting, sleigh riding, baking cookies, playing in the leaves, etc.. things I know Daddy is not likely to do with him.) I know I will miss it. Have you any recommendations for both of us on making this transition? A Trying to balance a full-time job and family is a constant challenge.

To prepare my young children for an new experience or transition such as going on vacation, starting preschool, the birth of a sibling or staying with Grandma for the weekend without us, I make small, stapled construction paper books that explain and illustrate what is about to happen. You don't have to be an artist or a writer to create "transition books" for your kids. I write one or two sentences per page and illustrate with photographs or pictures cut out from magazines (art is not my strength!) When I feel ambitious, I cover them with clear contact paper. The books allow my kids to have some control over the experience: to know what to expect and to anticipate the sequence in which new things will happen.

I have a 21-month-old son and have just found out that I am pregnant. This second pregnancy was not planned. We live in a little two bedroom apartment and my husband and I just bought a house we are to move into in mid-October. The reason I mention this is that the baby is due in mid-November. How can I help my little boy adjust to two big changes that are happening right on top of one another? In addition, I am with him three days a week and am still nursing him (sometimes a couple of times a day).

Dr. Deepak Chopra, the well-known author and lecturer on East-West spirituality has once again translated fundamental Eastern spiritual laws into easy to read Western language. The book is addressed to parents who wish to raise children with values that both satisfy spiritual needs and create the experience of abundance. The book explores specific ways to practice the Seven Spiritual Laws as a family, how to convey these laws to children of different ages, and how to embody the laws in age-specific activities each day of the week.

"Breathing in, I am calm. Breathing out, I smile. "Next time you are angry or jealous of your brother or sister, or when you are unhappy with a friend, stop and do this exercise." This advice was addressed to a group of children by a student of the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh, internationally renowned Zen master, peace activist and Nobel Prize nominee.

Our children see so much prejudice around them - between blacks and whites, haves and have-nots, even thin people and fat people. How can we work against the prevailing atmosphere and teach our children tolerance? Guest Expert Paula Green, Ph.D., says: Studies show that the three areas in which children learn tolerance or intolerance are the home, school and the media, in that order. Even if you have a progressive home, intolerance, as you pointed out, is in the air and children absorb it like sponges. The globalization of trade and capital has also produced the globalization of humanity. We see so much more diversity now.

As parents, we take our love for our children as a given. But do we consider whether the way we talk to our children communicates that love to them? Many of us have a tendency to use "negatives" when talking with our kids. "Don't do that," "Stop," "No," "If you do that one more time then...." Do these phrases sound familiar? If so, then it may be time to consider another approach...positive parenting. WHAT IS POSITIVE PARENTING? Children crave attention. It shows that they are important and that their parents care about them.

Remember those "Question Authority" buttons that were popular in the 1960's? Some baby boomer parents take an ideological stand against any role distinctions that are "given" rather than earned. After fighting against oppressive power structures in their young adulthood, they are reluctant to demand honor and respect from their children simply because of their status as parents. For other parents, their own childhood experience of "not having been heard" leads them to be cautious about being less than perfectly attuned and deeply respectful of their children's feelings and needs. Yet, paradoxically, parents who listen terribly hard all the time and strive for equality and fairness in everything SOMETIMES find themselves with demanding, greedy, anxious children.

Well, I don't know about you, but this is a scene that I find very familiar. Mom wants one thing, four-year-old wants something else and it ends up in a big tantrum! Trying to reason with a four-year-old, even when you happen to be objectively right, is never an easy job. In this drama, the mother's feelings are understandable; she wants her daughter to look nice for a special family occasion. She is a caring mother who is clearly trying to do the right thing. WHERE DOES SHE GO WRONG? She goes wrong, in my opinion, by giving her daughter only one option -- this one dress or nothing.

Dear Dr. Sylvia, I have a five-year-old daughter who just started kindergarten this year. Her behavior lately has been way out of line. She had a problem in preschool with respecting authority, and it has now carried over into kindergarten. We have had a problem with it at home as well. She talks back to adults, and she yells. When we tell her that she will have privileges taken away if she doesn't do what she's been asked to do, she says she wants her privileges taken away. Whenever she does something for her dad or me, or if I've asked her to do something for her baby sister (one year old,) she always asks what she will get in return. It seems to always take many times to get her to do something, and then it's a battle.

"If you don't give me that, I'm going to hit you!" my four-year-old said to her three-year-old brother. I was shocked! Why was threatening to hit her brother her first reaction? Why couldn't she at least try asking him nicely? When I thought about it, however, I realized that she was only imitating me and that threatening to smack was how I was keeping the kids in line lately. While I almost never actually gave my children a slap, I realized that lately I had been threatening to do so regularly. My parenting skills and the way that I was handling my anger, was affecting my children's approach to each other. If I didn't seem to have the tools to verbally resolve my conflicts, how would my children ever learn these tools? If I didn't seem to have the tools to verbally resolve my conflicts, how would my children ever learn these tools? It was then that I resolved to rely more on a different method of child discipline, one that had worked in the past with my oldest daughter: time-out.

A Drama on Discipline. Tina (28) and Steve (28) are the parents of a six year old son, Josh. It's Saturday night and Tina is returning from a shopping trip to the mall. Tina: Hi Steve. (looks over to the couch). Josh, what are you doing up? Steve, what's he doing up? Steve: We were playing cowboy. We were having a great time. Tina: I assume you read him a story. Steve: Not yet. Tina: Josh, please go to bed. (She walks him to the bathroom and to the bedroom where she reads him a story.) Tina comes back down the stairs: Steve, I can't believe you. I came home at 9:00, and Josh is supposed to be in bed at 8:00. He's six years old.

Recently, I asked my five-year-old to get me something from upstairs. "Yes, your majesty," was his reply. The day before that, it was "Certainly, Miss Mommy". Last week? "Sir, yes, sir" and "Whatever you say, Lady." I can't decide whether this lack of respect upsets me or not. On one hand, he is being what my mother would have called "fresh." On the other hand, the atmosphere in the house is convivial and open.

AN ALL-TOO-TRUE ONE ACT PLAY IN THREE SCENES Jenny, 38, is the mother of Jesse, 11 and Joshua, seven. She works part time as an advertising sales rep for a local newspaper. On the side, she writes a restaurant review column on small, little-known restaurants called Hole in the Wall and she also writes poetry for herself. She reads lots of books on parenting. Her husband, Jim, an account executive at an ad agency, usually gets home just before bed-time. SCENE I Wheedle, Cajole, Repeat and When in Doubt, Bribe Jenny is cutting salad for dinner. She wants to get rid of the few dishes in the sink but sees that the dishwasher is full -- and clean.

Jenny has it right when she says she thinks kids need structure, chores and rules. She recognizes that she has trouble following through. That's one step in the right direction. Jenny tends to request something of the kids and then immediately begins compromising and modifying her position. She needs to think through ahead of time where she is likely to end up. If she is going to end up by caving in completely, she might as well not get herself all worked up and do whatever needs to be done herself. If, however, the issue is a rule, she might consider the following guidelines to help her choose her rules and make them stick.

By Esther Boylan Wolfson Director, Early Childhood Development Center You have heard your friends talking about it, you've seen some articles in parenting magazines and know it's supposed to be "the thing to do" but you are just not sure how it is supposed to work. Or you've been trying to do it, but it's just not working for you. Here is a step by step program for setting up a time-out program and more importantly "getting it to work." Why "time-out"? Young children sometimes get so caught up in what is happening around them that they have trouble getting control of themselves and calming down.

The first article I wrote for WholeFamily, over two years ago, was about time out. I chose this topic because the issue is relevant to many parents of pre-school children who want to discipline their children without spanking. I also felt, and still do, that time out is one of the most misunderstood and misused methods of child discipline. Over the course of the last two years, I have continued to get questions from parents who are frustrated by trying to get two-year-olds to go to their rooms and parents whose four-year-old children are spending two hours a day sitting in chairs.

It's Sunday morning. Pam, a 31-year-old mother, is getting ready to go to a party with her four-year-old daughter, Cara. Mother: We gotta hurry. Grandma said that we should be there early so she can take pictures of us. Cara: Okay. Cara stays on the floor playing. Mother: Let's get you ready. Cara: Why? Mother: I told you. We're going to Grandma's. She's having a birthday party. Cara: Is it my birthday? Mother: No, it's Grandma's. Listen it's time to stop playing. It's time to get ready. Cara doesn't look up. Mother: It's time to get dressed. Here are your clothes. I'll give you a few minutes and then we'll get you dressed.

Dear WholeMom: My daughter is 1 1/2 years old. She doesn't listen to "Time out" anymore and if I tell her to go back to "Time out" she cries or hits. The worst part is I'm very emotional because I'm 3 months pregnant. So when she cries, I cry, and then I feel like a mean mom. I really don't know how to handle this and I don't believe in hitting a child, not even a light tap. What should I do? - Emotional Mom Dear Emotional Mom: There are a number of issues to address here.

As parents, we take our love for our children as a given. But do we consider whether the way we talk to our children communicates that love to them? Many of us have a tendency to use "negatives" when talking with our kids. "Don't do that," "Stop," "No," "If you do that one more time then...." Do these phrases sound familiar? If so, then it may be time to consider another approach...positive parenting. WHAT IS POSITIVE PARENTING? Children crave attention. It shows that they are important and that their parents care about them.

I write at length in this section about the Time-Out method. However, that method isn't appropriate in every situation. If the punishment is directly related to the child's behavior, a child will be more likely to remember the punishment the next time around. Making a child sit on her own in a chair once, twice, perhaps three times a day is more than enough time sitting alone.

Q Dear Dr. Sylvia, My husband and I have a four-year-old daughter and seven-year-old son. The challenge is with our four-year-old daughter. Just as background, we are a very happy "all-American" family. My husband is an incredible father. The problem we are having is that our four-year-old is what you may call a "Mama's girl." She will only accept Mommy doing things for her. This is not a phase since it has been going on for about a year. My husband is beside himself, and it is now beginning to hurt his feelings.

Although the times and family make-up have changed dramatically, the foundational principles of intelligent parenting survive. Research has provided clear fundamentals that direct children toward confidence, security, and achievement. Furthermore, there are a fair number of day-to-day options available in raising children from which parents can choose. The children of this millennium will continue to be influenced by much more than their families; however, parents and grandparents continue to set the important foundations. I anticipate with enthusiasm sharing with my audience the cornerstones of raising happy, achieving children based on my many years of clinical work and my research with families.

Jenny doesn't see herself as a grown up. When dealing with her kids, she easily regresses to being one of them. She says things like, "Aw, come on..." and "I don't care." Children deeply resent a parent who is afraid to parent. Being an adult is a scary thing. It means taking responsibility for our lives and our actions. Jenny may have grown up with parents who did everything for her or she may have grown up feeling discounted rather than supported and secure. She has little self-confidence and looks outside herself for reassurance.

How many of us have children who are less well-behaved than we would like them to be? How many of us can set limits and keep them? How many of us find it easier to give in to the deafening screams of a two-year-old than to stick to our guns? Or to the teenager who wants to spend all her free time watching MTV or staying out till three a.m.? Countless observers of modern parenthood have said that today's parents are less strict, less firm, less sure of themselves as parents than their parents were. Some say it's due to the fact that parents today bend over backwards for their children because they feel guilty about not being able to give them the thing they most need: time.

Of all the parenting techniques and interventions touted by the "experts" in the past few years, few have met with such mixed reviews as the one known as time out. The reason for this is that the term is used in the literature to describe two very different interventions that are used very differently and designed to accomplish very different outcomes. The initial concept called time out was designed for use with toddlers and young children whose behavior was clearly unacceptable (yelling, hitting, etc).

When I first heard about the institution of time out, as a very young mother, the concept confused me. "You mean," I asked whoever it was who had told me about it, "that my three-year-old child is supposed to sit in one place -- and not get up -- for over ten seconds?" Like many small children, my son was not inherently capable of sitting still, what with so much to climb and touch and jump on in this world of ours. I am not a fan of many of the more conventional models of kinder-government. Instead, I was searching for a discipline method that best suited my individual child, a very bright and philosophical person for someone who was less than three feet tall.

Children love to cooperate. They're great at playing, trusting, and learning. They want to feel close to their parents and loved ones. But every day, things happen that hurt children's feelings. They want more time for fun and intimacy, they get frustrated because there are things they can't do yet. There are many difficult moments for a child every day, no matter how hard we parents try to protect them. When children's feelings are hurt, they release those bad feelings immediately -- this is the healthiest response. Crying and tantrums, with plenty of trembling and perspiration, and eventually laughter are the natural way children heal from bad experiences.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I am a mother of three children, ages four-months, two- and three-years-old. Their father and I are having difficulty coming to an agreement on discipline for our two- and three year-old-daughters. I feel that you should remain calm, talk it out and if talking doesn't work then use time-outs, and if all else fails, they receive a spanking (w/o physical pain). Then I tell them "Mommy doesn't like to spank, but if you don't act like a good girl mommy has to help.

Dear Dr. Sylvia, I believe our five-year-old daughter has the empowerment problem you spoke of in your article. (See Foundational Principles Parenting) Now that we've realized the problem, how do we fix it so she doesn't continue to act like a spoiled brat? We set what we believe are the appropriate limits. However, she pushes and pushes us to the point that we have to send her to her room or ground her from her favorite channel on TV. She honestly believes that she's THE BOSS. Any suggestions? A You will have to set clear limits for your five-year-old, but you'll want to be careful not to get on a negative track of constant punishment, or you'll soon find your daughter becoming sad or angry.

Dear Dr. Sylvia, I am concerned about my three-year-old nephew. My sister has been having ongoing problems with his behavior, which is very defiant and even violent at times. He will pick fights with other kids or do things on purpose to hurt them or make them cry. He will also hit my sister, or occasionally, other adults like myself. He also swears a lot, using strong words that even sound bad coming from an adult. My sister has tried time-outs, but he will not stay in place. He can be such a sweet, lovable boy, but then, all of a sudden, his mood switches and he becomes mean. Do you have any suggestions for my sister to help her help him express his anger in a more positive way, or for redirecting his negative behavior? I should say that he lives in a household with a father that is quite angry as well.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I would like to hear about the pros and cons of hitting children as a form of discipline, and when it becomes abuse. I only hit my four-year-old son in two situations: Either he just hit or attacked me physically (he's pretty strong), and I respond instinctively, or he is in the midst of a dangerous, violent act, and I prevent it by being physical. My brother-in-law voiced some concern to my wife (his sister) over this weekend, and I wanted to check with an expert about the theory of hitting, and get some feedback about my particular case.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I was reading your article, Making the Punishment Fit the Crime and it makes absolute sense. I have a situation however that I need help with, maybe you would have a suggestion? I have a five-year- rambunctious boy. He is very active, although he is not hyperactive or ADD. We refer to him as Dennis the Menace, because of the trouble he is constantly getting into. He does things that I would never imagine. How he thinks up this stuff really bothers me. Last night was the ultimate. I was talking to my mother on the phone in the Living Room and had been on the phone for about five or so minutes when I heard the smoke alarm going off.

Everybody seems to be doing time out. Wherever I look I see articles about the pros and cons of the method and descriptions from parents of how it did or didn't work for them. But these descriptions are usually missing the next step: time in. I first saw the term "time in" used in The Discipline Book, by Dr. William Sears. He cautions parents that while time out is an appropriate method of disciplining children, no parent should forget what is equally important to their young child -- time in.

The idea of "time out" (as described in Time Out: What is it and how can you make it work for you?) goes against everything I believe in as a mother and as a therapist. In fact, the concept of "time out" exasperates me. It sounds more like a program designed for laboratory mice than one that is healthy for children and parents. Why am I so offended by Time Out? Because it denies context.

Dear WholeMom, My daughter is four. She will turn five in August. Lately she has become very short tempered. Our next door neighbor is already five. When she visits our home, my child loses control over not getting her way and automatically starts hitting, pushing and kicking. She also screams and loses control all around. Yet, in just a matter of moments she is calmed down and expects everything to be forgiven. I have approached the situation every way possible, talking to her about other people's feelings, about showing respect for other people's bodies, explaining that it is not acceptable behavior in anyone's eyes, telling her that people won't want to be her friend.

Dear Dr. Sylvia, My brother is raising his four-and-a-half year old son on his own. The boy sees his mother and sister every other weekend. My brother loves his son and is struggling with patience to deal with a child of this age. My parents do what they can to help. My nephew is in Head Start every day, and then, stays with my parents until his dad gets home from work. My brother's job is very frustrating, and many times when he gets home, he is not in the best frame of mind. It is hard for him to be "mom" and dad, but he tries really hard. My nephew is fine with my parents, but when his dad picks him up, he misbehaves.

In Part I of this article, we introduced Irma Simonton Black's ideas about what to expect from children from infancy to three years. Black wrote a classic article called "What to Expect of a Young Child," which appeared in Parents in 1941. She contends, and anyone would agree, that in order to have healthy, fulfilling relationships with our children, we need to know what they are capable of at what ages. Too many conflicts and misunderstandings erupt because parents expect a two-year-old to share when she cannot or a three-year-old to hurry when he is not yet capable of doing so.

Two of the oldest and most respected institutions devoted to understanding children -- Bank Street College of Education in New York City and Parents Magazine -- teamed up long ago to bring to the public a classic called "What to Expect of a Young Child." Written by Irma Simonton Black for Parents in 1941, the article was reissued three times in pamphlet form by Bank Street. Although the black and white photos and the language bespeak a former era, the information is as relevant and important today as it was six decades ago.

The activities below are great learning approaches and activities for all children and are especially important for children who are having language difficulties. AGES 0-3 1. Speak to your child in "SIMPLE" sentences.

The Speech and Language Therapist Recommends Therapy For My Child, But I'm Not Sure If I Want To Have Any Sort Of Therapy At Such a Young Age. Maybe It's Best to Wait and See If His Skills Improve on Their Own and, If Not, To Start Speech and Language Therapy When He Is Older? NO.

This series was written in consultation with Rachel Bromberg, MACCSLP - Speech and Language Therapist * TAKE THE EARLY CHILDHOOD LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT CHECKLIST .The results of the checklist should give you some indication of how your child is doing compared to other children his age.

For parents, the area of speech and language development is probably the hardest to evaluate. When evaluating physical development, the process is easier.

When the name for this series was first proposed, it made me feel uncomfortable. After all, calling a child "normal" or "abnormal" is certainly incorrect. Each child is an individual, with unique qualities and personality. Yet, as I continued working on this series, I realized that this question goes straight to the heart of what we, as parents are concerned about when we consider our children's development.

Brittany's mother wants her to do well in school. She purchased a special series of workbooks designed to help develop cognitive skills in children. Every day when she gets home from work, she sits with Brittany to work on her skills. But despite her mother's best efforts, Brittany usually ends up on the floor screaming and yelling. All she wants to do is go outside, play on the swings and run around the yard.

The one thing that is obvious to every pre-school teacher is how much young children love imaginative games. When I purchase a new game for my class, some kids get excited. If I buy a new doctor's kit or a fireman costume, well, the whole class lines up for a turn. Ten Ways to Encourage Your Young Child's Imagination By Esther Boylan Wolfson Director, Early Childhood Development Center 1.

From the time of a baby's birth, we eagerly wait for the day when our child will start to roll over, crawl and then walk. Unlike speech and language development, these milestones are at first glance easily determined. Either a child rolls over or he doesn't. Either he crawls or he walks.

Ziva Schapiro, OTR Take the Early Childhood Physical Development Checklist.

Imagine a place where babies don't cry and children never fight. Jean Liedloff found such a place. She spent a total of two-and-a-half years living with the Yequana Indians in the Venezuelan jungles. She describes them as an isolated Stone Age tribe, yet, on every measure of well being that she could think of, Liedloff found the Yequana to be better off than Westerners. After babyhood, Yequana parents and other adults don't initiate contact or activity with their children but are readily available when the children need them.

Six-month-old Jeremy is lying on the living room rug, looking intently at a board book, when his Uncle Luis breezes in through the front door. "Hiya, fella!" he says, lifting his nephew high in the air. Jeremy frowns in protest. Putting the baby down, Luis turns to Jeremy's mom, Lucia Chan. "What's wrong? Did he get up on the wrong side of the crib?" "No...I think you just interrupted him," says Lucia. "Huh?" This from Luis. Both adults look down at Jeremy, who has gone back to his book and seems utterly content.

Do you feel that in today's world, children are being pushed to develop quickly and not enough time is spent on enjoying the moment and allowing children to progress at their own pace? Are you sometimes concerned that modern toys, including television and computers, may hurt rather than help your children's development? If so, the philosophy and approach to early childhood developed by Rudolf Steiner may work well for you and your baby.

You will see the family bed referred to as "night time nurturing," or "family co-sleeping." Hey come on - let's call it what it is: The lazy parent's bed. And I don't use the word lazy pejoratively. (Everybody else does but they're wrong.) With my first baby, I was vigilant. I wouldn't let him sleep in the bed. I'd nurse him and my husband would whisk him away like an efficient nanny. "He has to be able to comfort himself," I told my husband.

When our children were young, the family bed conundrum was a big issue for my friends and me. But like all new parents, when my oldest was an infant, I filled my shelves with books on “Parenting by Experts”. The leg up I had on the other moms in the neighborhood was that while many of my friends were getting married and having babies in their early twenties, I was 27 when Sara was born.

In recent years, there has been a good deal of discussion in support of the family bed. Proponents argue that babies, in particular anxiety-prone infants, both need and deserve parental indulgence, even at night. Moreover, many champions of co-sleeping assert that parental failure to respond to these children will eventually result in needy, anxious, depressed or distant adults.

Editor's note: On September 29, 1999, the Consumer Product Safety Commission issued a warning against parents and children sleeping in the same bed. The Commission based its recommendation on research published in the journal Pediatrics showing increased incidence of SIDS, suffocation and strangulation when babies sleep with their parents. The recommendation created a furor. Newspapers, magazines and web sites were filled with the voices of parents and experts who were up in arms.

Twenty years later, I still have vivid memories of my first year as a parent, dreading bedtime. Our daughter would fall asleep with little trouble. That wasn't the problem, especially after my husband and I figured out that waiting for her to fall asleep when she was tired was easier than trying to "put" her to sleep when we were tired. But would she stay asleep for a few hours, or would she awaken to nurse after 45 minutes? We approached every night with apprehension.

I love my children. I love to wrap my arms around them, hold them closely and kiss their soft faces as they sleep at night. But I know that as much as I love them and always want to hold them close, sometimes what a child needs most is his own space. It is for this reason that I feel strongly, as a parent and an early childhood educator that the place for children at night is in their own beds.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, My husband doesn't like to spend a lot of time with our two-month-old son. I try to get him to, but he says he will when he gets old enough to play a little. I think they are both missing out now. What can I do about this? A You should know that your husband's reaction is actually quite common. Since a newborn cannot yet "do" anything, many fathers feel that the infant does not yet need fatherly interaction, just basic care.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have an eight-month-old son who is bottle-fed. I have a problem getting him to sleep all the way though the night, and to take longer naps. I am also having problems getting him to drink more than four ounces at a time. He wants to eat four ounces or less and then wants more about an hour or two later. He only takes two to three naps of about 20-45 minutes each. I hear that they are supposed to be sleeping about two hours at a time.

Q What are the benefits of letting your child sleep in your bed? A The article on Co-Sleeping in the WholeFamily site mentions a few of the beneficial effects for children who sleep with the parents -- children have a more rested mother, it's good for family bonding, and there seems to be a lower risk of SIDS. The following resources contain information about many studies on the subject. You might be especially interested in the research now in progress by Dr.

Everyone was excited when I came home from the hospital with our fifth child. Fifth child! You'd think that everyone in the family was used to the noise already, the sharing, and the conflicting schedules. Perhaps this baby would slip right in, into all those welcoming hands. But standing alone on the side of the room was my "baby" - my two-year-old son who had only recently started leaving me in the mornings. It was time to go back to my two favorite experts on children, Penelope Leach and Haim Ginot, to get another dose of what it feels like to be pushed out of babyhood. I remember the first time I read that, to a child, bringing home a new sibling is like a husband telling a wife (or the other way around) that he will soon be bringing another wife home.

I have two children, Ling, 34 months old and Cho, 15 months old. They always want the same thing at the same time and always end up fighting and crying. Could you please advise me how to deal with this problem? A First of all, rest assured that while it is very frustrating for a parent to deal with, it is quite normal for children under the age of three to have difficulty sharing items and waiting for their turn. I would suggest that for starters you make sure that each of your children has some toys or belongings that he or she can call their own. When children have siblings so close in age, it is normal for parents to expect them to share.

Hilorie Baer, MSW During my last pregnancy, I found one book, far and above all others, to be particularly helpful to myself and to my three-year-old while she waited for her baby sister to be born. The Runaway Bunny, by Margaret Wise Brown (author of the classic Goodnight Moon,) is about a little bunny who wants to run away. When he announces his intention to his mother, she says, "If you run away, I will run after you. For you are my little bunny." But that doesn't deter little bunny. He says, "If you run after me, I will become a fish in a trout stream and I will swim away from you." Mother bunny replies, "If you become a fish in a trout stream, I will become a fisherman and I will fish for you.

Our four-year-old son doesn't have friends yet. He is content to play with children in his nursery school and once in a great while will play with one of them in the afternoon, but he hasn't formed friendships. Should I be worried? Is there anything I should be doing?

My five-year-old occasionally complains that nobody likes her and nobody wants to play with her. As far as I can tell, this is not really the case. It seems to me that she has plenty of friends. I don't see her as maladjusted enough to require therapy, but there's a gap between her feelings and reality. What does it mean when she says this and how should I respond?

It's a winter morning and the members of my mother's group and I are drinking coffee and tossing around ideas for getting more sleep. Our babies, all around six-months-old, are lying on a big quilt on the living room floor, gurgling and shaking rattles. I see my daughter, Ilana, gaze at Beth's son, Matthew, the one baby in the group whom she has "known" since birth. Ilana drops her rattle and starts kicking her legs, squealing with excitement. Matthew returns the look and chortles. That afternoon, I write in the book I keep for Ilana: "She seems to have a thing for Matthew - and I think it's mutual." Abby and Nancy, who met in a childbirth preparation class, jokingly call their kids, Leah and Elliot, "Lamaze siblings.

When our son, Yosef, was four, we were having a very hard time getting him to sleep at night. He would get out of bed repeatedly with numerous requests or demand that one of us stay with him until he fell asleep -- which would usually take an hour or two. After several months of dedicating my entire evening to putting this child to sleep, I decided to try problem-solving -- one of the many fine ideas in How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. This wonderful, useful book is a popularization of the ideas of the well-known child psychologist Haim Ginott.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I am a 27 year old mother, worker and full-time student. I have a little girl who is three. My question is: How do you balance all of these things without one area lacking? (Especially my daughter and school work?) Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

As any parent who has lived through the terrible two's knows, crying is a big part of a two-year-old's life. One day, I kept a log of my two-year-old's crying behavior. In the course of a typical day, he cries because: 8:05 a.m. - A rubber band with which he had been playing snaps against his hand. 9:25 a.m. - He bangs his bare foot into a kitchen chair. 11:50 a.m. - I have to take him away from a sink-full of bubbles and plastic dishes where he has been busily playing. 3:30 p.m - His older brother takes away a toy car that he threw at him. 4:14 p.m - He takes a straw out of big brother's soda can.

Are there certain ages when kids start needing more involvement from their fathers? Lately, my five-year-old has been expressing anger when his father works late or goes out. How can we handle this? Guest Expert Yocheved Berlowitz, MD, answers: A: There is no specific age at which a child starts to need to his father. Even during infancy, if the mother is the primary caretaker, the father can be a familiar and contributing presence. Certainly by toddler age, the child appreciates that his father is different from his mother. For instance, fathers may encourage more active rough-and-tumble play than mothers. The role of each parent varies in individual families and in different cultures.

Yesterday I was at a nursery school party. The children were sitting in a circle singing, and a woman I know called out to her daughter: Smile, Lila. The mother said to me: "She doesn't look happy. She's frowning." I thought back to all of the times I was dressed in my finest clothes, going somewhere special, and my mother had said to me: "Smile." Or all of those birthday parties my mother made for me where I felt like crying from all the overexcitment and was told: "Smile." The next time your child is unhappy, don't assume there's something wrong with him. Connect to him. Understand him. But don't deny his feelings.

My five-year-old son is like a thoroughbred: bright, quick, talented -- and explosive. He has always been this way, since birth. He can be the most charming, mature, and productive human being within a few miles. Rubbed wrong, however, he can go off like a rocket. We have been working on controlling his temper for a few years now, and it's coming along. Slowly. When he was three, I taught him the nursery rhyme about the little girl with the curl in the middle of her forehead. (When she was good, she was very, very good. And when she was bad, she was horrid.) After I recited the poem, I turned to him and asked if it reminded him of anyone.

How much TV is too much TV? My four-year-old son would rather stay home and watch a video than go outside and play or even come to the pool with me. I'm afraid he's becoming addicted.

Television Is Great For Parents Let's face it. We all need a break. Having a young child under your feet, needing your help or demanding your time can make it difficult, if not impossible to get things done. So we use the built-in babysitter. It's easy, it's free and it works. Is TV Good For Young Kids? While the TV may be a good thing for us parents, the fact is that the results of numerous studies conducted over the past decade show that spending a long time watching television is not good for kids.

What Steps Can You Take To Limit The Effect Of Television On Your Young Child's Attitudes And Development? * Make A Television Viewing Plan For Your Family One of the easiest ways to fall into the "TV trap" is simply through lack of attention. When we don't evaluate and choose TV viewing times the amount of television watched in our houses adds up quickly.

READY...... How do you know if your child is ready for toilet training? Although there are parents who swear that their one and a half year olds are perfectly trained, in my experience, most children are not ready to be trained until they are approximately two and a half and sometimes later.

My three-year-old will have nothing to do with the potty. She's in pull-ups but treats them like diapers. I think we goofed because for two days we put her in panties and she only had two wet accidents. But she was afraid to have a b.m. When she finally did, it was in her panties and she was obviously ashamed. We weren't angry, but frustrated and she knew it. Now she will only go on the potty when she feels like having a candy, which we give her as a prize.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, My oldest son (he will be five-years-old next month) refuses to use the potty, he won't go near it. I have tried different things, such as rewards, potty-time videos, potty books and nothing has worked. He is in preschool three days a week and, of course, he was supposed to have been trained before entering this preschool, but he just wears his pull-ups and so far hasn't had any accidents. When asked why he doesn't want to use the potty, he just says he's not ready.

Q: Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I just read your article Toilet Training Step by Step and found it very helpful. It was easy to read and very informative. I do have some questions, though, specifically related to toilet training my daughter. She is now 30 months and we have been "potty training" for around 10 months. Sounds crazy, I know. I started at the insistence of my family (my first mistake) shortly after my son was born. I put her in pull-ups (mistake #2) and started sitting her on the potty at regular intervals (like all the articles say) with success off and on for the past few months.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, How do you deal with a child who, despite being reassured that she's doing well, gets frightened and tries to climb off the potty in the middle of a bowel movement? My answer would depend on where your child is in the toilet training process. If your child is at the beginning of the process and has not yet really established training for urine, then I would not push things by trying to force her to have bowel movements on the potty, if she is not yet secure in doing so.

Parents sometimes are concerned about possible sexual interaction between their children of different ages. This concern was illustrated in a question I received from a mother of three. She asked: "I found my three-year-old daughter in a room with my seven-year-old son and five-year-old daughter. It was very quiet in the room, and that's very unlike them. I don't know what they were doing, but I sensed a lot of curiosity.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, In my neighborhood pool, mothers often bring their four- and five-year-old sons into the women's changing room. This seems to me not to be in the best interests of the child. In fact, I think it's a subtle form of sexual abuse. I'm sure we wouldn't bring our five-year-old daughters into the men's locker room. At what age should parents stop bringing their children into a dressing room of the opposite sex?

Q: We're expecting our second child soon. How can we best respond to our five-year-old's questions about how the baby got there, inside me!? Guest Expert, Lisa Kainan, MA, answers: When parents explain sex and birth to their children, they should take into account the child's level of understanding and allow the child's own curiosity to be a guide as to how much detail to give. The most accessible explanation will be one that is just one level above the child's current level of understanding.

Q Last night, when my husband and I finished making love, we noticed that our six-year-old son was asleep at the foot of our bed. He must have come in while we were making love and fallen asleep. We didn't hear a thing. Was he traumatized? Should we say anything to him? Guest Therapist Elanah Wernik, MSW, answers: A: Your son most probably saw you making love but he obviously felt comfortable enough to fall right back asleep. Most of us have had the experience of waking our children (who have fallen asleep in front of the TV or in our beds) and getting them back to their rooms, speaking with them, giving them a kiss goodnight-- and the next morning the kids don't remember a thing.

When I think about using drugs with young children, I always think about Michael. I loved teaching four-year-old Michael. He came in every morning with a great smile on his face, a beautiful laugh and a great big hug for his teachers. Michael loved to sing songs, play running games and build great big buildings out of blocks. But he had a hard time sitting still. After about five minutes of circle time, he would invariably throw himself onto the floor or wiggle around in his chair so that the chair would fall backwards. During individual work-time, I felt successful if I helped him to sit for more than two minutes at a time.

Everyone wants their kids to eat more vegetables, right? Here are 10 tried and tested ways to do it. And no fair dipping them in chocolate fondue. By Ruth Lockshin 1. Convince yourself first - find out more about vegetables. Why do I want my kids to eat them anyway? How will it make their lives better? Short answer: Vegetables are really, really important for getting all kinds of vitamins and minerals that are difficult to get anywhere else. Long answer: Read books that can help you understand how vegetables make us healthier. Some of my favorite sources that answer my questions about this without going into organic chemistry are: * The New Laurel's Kitchen: A Handbook for Vegetarian Cookery and Nutrition, by Laurel Robertson, et al.

Some of the most common questions I get from parents of young children relate to food. Does my child eat enough? What kind of foods help young children grow and get the nutrients they need? Here are some guidelines to help you make those decisions. THE FOOD PYRAMID FOR YOUNG CHILDREN In 1999, the Federal Food and Drug Association designed a special food guide pyramid for young children. You may already be familiar with the concept of the food pyramid, which has been around since we were children. Recently, the FDA realized that parents and educators need more guidelines to help them choose proper food for their young children and the result is the food pyramid for young children.

More parents than ever before are considering using medication to treat their child's emotional or behavioral difficulties. (See Who's Drugging the Children?) If your physician or your child's teacher recommends medication for your child, consider this option, but carefully weigh the pros and cons of your decision before taking action. With few exceptions, using psychotropic medication with young children should always be a last resort after all alternate methods of treatment are shown to be ineffective or inappropriate.

Do you find that your child refuses to touch her plate if the noodles are too close to the meatballs? Or that even the slightest touch of burnt crust relegates an entire plate of food to the garbage pail? Well, you are not alone. It seems to me that most families have at least one picky eater and mine is certainly not immune.

Charlotte is trying to feed her one-and-one-half year old daughter, Zoe, breakfast in her high chair. She has cut a banana into tiny pieces and is handing her daughter the pieces. Charlotte: Why don't you eat bananas? You used to love bananas. Zoe shakes her head. Zoe: No want nanas.

What's going on here? We've got a good mother, who clearly cares a lot about her daughter and wants her to eat and be healthy, but somehow instead of succeeding in feeding her daughter, the mother ends up feeling unhappy and frustrated. Here is an experience that most (if not all) parents share. You want the best for your child, you try to do what you feel is right and somehow, instead of everything working out as you planned, your child ends up ignoring you.