Body Image

Q: I'm 20 years old (in a month) and I've been in recovery from anorexia for about 9 months now. I eat pretty normally now, except for a few quirks I have. But that body image thing won't give. I know that I am not naturally stick thin, and it makes me crazy that I just look "average". I don't think I'm fat, but I don't think I'm thin, either. I feel funny when people look at me because I'm nervous they are going to notice that I gained weight and that I "couldn't keep it up". I was caught early, and while I know deep down that that's a good thing, it makes me feel that I wasn't ever sick enough to deserve help.

So there I am, at 1 a.m., relaxing in front of a mind-numbing - but somehow intoxicating - fashion show on cable. The girls look dead and fiercely alive all at once, and I am reminded of caged panthers at the zoo, sleek and nonchalant, pacing and intent, angry and on display. And I look at these mile high stick people and I can't decide what I think about them. Part of me is jealous and admiring, still, after all these years. Grow up! I admonish myself. Get with it.

Q: I was wondering if you could help me out with a problem. I have tried and tried to go on a diet - I even tried diet pills and they just don't work! I work out sometimes, I play basketball all the time, but it never seems to help any!!! All my friends are really skinny and pretty and I feel like I shouldn't even be friends with them 'cause of what they look like. I have a lot of friends but I have also been made fun of.

Annie is 15. She has always felt OK about her body, but during this past year, she has started to feel uncomfortable in her own skin. I really need to avoid looking in the mirror. It just depresses the hell out of me. What does it take to get a body like Jennifer Aniston? I mean really. Because maybe I could do it. You never know. Like do you have to eat only fruit and vegetables, and drink only water? Because I might be able to do that. Except for weekends I guess. I don't think I could do without pizza and stuff like that on the weekends.

Dear WholeMom, My 15-year-old is what we used to call "pleasantly plump." She should lose about ten pounds, but she has stabilized at that weight and doesn't binge. She has a very pretty face, beautiful curly hair and a great personality. She is a good student and popular in school. Most of the year she is very happy. The problem is the summer, when kids spend so much time swimming. Most of her friends, both girls and boys, are very thin. Some look almost anorexic. I have tried to talk to her about self esteem not being about externals, like the body, but she is a sensitive girl and feels shy about the fact that she doesn't have a model's body. She has passed up invitations to go to the beach and the pool with friends because of her weight, yet she doesn't seem to have the motivation to stick to the diets I have suggested.

(Written for Chics, Guys Welcome.) All the advice that I've seen to teens regarding healthy body image (this site included, even some of my stuff) decries the media. The media that feeds us image after image of skinny until we hate ourselves for having fat molecules within five miles of us. We have to accept ourselves, this advice says, for who we are. We are not Pamela, not Jennifer, nor Kate, nor Heidi. We are real people with real curves and real muscles underneath. Celebrate your authentic sexy humanness!! OK. So who's partying? After many a sermon like this that I have listened to or read, (not that there's anything WRONG with that, mind you), I do not see throngs of girls burning pictures of Calista Flockhart outside of Spa Lady.