The Wrong Way

Tom,

That is the reason why I am writing this letter. I am just too furious to talk to you. I don't know what pleasure you find in putting me down, it just shows the lack of respect that you have for me. Actually, you rarely show respect for me, just like your father doesn't show respect for your mother. I see how the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I wish you would see it too. It may help you to change your behavior.

But I can't take your humiliations any more. I am going to stand up for myself and next time you do that to me -- unfortunately I know that there will be a next time, you are so unaware of your behavior,

I will jump right back at you and insult you in the same way that you insult me. That will show you that you are not the only one who can be mean.

Angie, still hurt and angry.

The Write Way

Dear Tom,

I know that it wasn't out of disrespect and meanness on your part -- it is one of your character traits; I just wish that you would be more aware that, sometimes, your humor is in the wrong direction, laughing at the person, instead of with the person.

I don't want you to change your sense of humor, it is one of the things that made me fall in love with you. I just wish that you would be more aware that sometimes your humor is in the wrong direction, laughing at the person, instead of with the person.

I know that I need to be more assertive and clearly state my feelings instead of being overwhelmed with anger and helplessness. I don't want to be hurt and humiliated.

I invite you to do the same, and maybe we can help each other out. We know each other's strong and weak points so well.

I love you,Angie

Sample letters written by Chantal Danino Holt, social worker and coordinator of the Marriage Center.