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Monday, 31 January 2011

Exhaustion: I'm Too Tired to Clean

Written by  Michael Tobin , Toby Klein Greenwald

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As you will observe this is probably the thousandth time Marge and Phil have had this fight. Why do they persist in locking horns over who is the bigger martyr, and in the process, persist in driving themselves crazy?? Why don't they just get their act together, split up the jobs, get their kids involved, hire help and do it! They both claim their physical and mental well being are at stake!


So, what's really going on here?

Obviously, cleaning the house is not the issue. If so they could have solved it a long time ago. Marital conflicts about management of the home frequently mask unresolved attitudes about male/female roles. Phil may passionately proclaim that a man is as equally responsible for maintaining the house as a woman, but, like many men, the little boy in him might still expect to be taken care of. He wants to come home and be greeted by a smiling wife, a clean house, and a hot meal.

On the other hand, it's difficult for many women to get out of the role of playing critical parent. She experiences the burden and responsibility for the house and is angry that he doesn't share it. She nags, he resists. Phil can't say no without Marge feeling abandoned and Marge can't ask for five minutes more without Phil feeling like he married a slave driver.

View the Drama!

Last modified on Tuesday, 24 January 2012 18:51
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Michael Tobin

Michael Tobin

Dr. Michael Tobin has been a psychologist since 1974, specializing in marital and family therapy. He is the author of numerous articles on marriage and family relationships and is the founder of WholeFamily.com. He's  been married to Deborah for 38 years and is the father of four children and grandfather to five.

Toby Klein Greenwald

Toby Klein Greenwald

Toby Klein Greenwald, Executive V.P. Creative Development, is a founding partner and the editor-in-chief of WholeFamily. Toby is an educator, journalist, photographer, scriptwriter, poet, playwright, lyricist, and theater director, including for populations that have experienced trauma or are at risk. She is a Playback Theater conductor and is the recipient of Israel's Ministry of Education's Egerest Award for Culture, for her work in educational and community theater. She has more than 30 years of teaching experience and has served on numerous educational think tanks. Her specialties include the creation of innovative educational programs, and teaching Creative Writing and Film to AD(H)D and LD high school students, and to senior citizens. Toby is married to Yaakov and they have six children, most of whom have made her a proud mother-in-law and grandmother.

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