You cannot control your husband or his behavior, in the same way that you don't want him to control yours. If you feel that family therapy is warranted you can go, but you cannot force him to go. He may eventually come round on his own if you lay off on the pressure and let him know that he is wanted but you are not forcing him.
As for your children and their behavior, they certainly look to you and your husband as role models. That does not mean that they copy everything you do. Your can moderate for your children what they see and hear, and explain to them that there are different ways of handling anger and frustration. It is important that you don't undercut your husband in front of your children.
Children need both a mother and a father, and while you certainly have different personalities and different ways of behaving, you are both parents and both deserve respect as such. If you put down your husband in front of your children, your husband will understandably feel more threatened, probably yell more, and not join in your attempts at family therapy.
It is very difficult, if not impossible to change habits that have been formed early in life and have lasted a long time. Setting yourself up to changing your husband's yelling is probably setting yourself up for frustration and failure. Turning to family therapy for yourself and your children, while leaving the door open for your husband to join is probably the wisest thing you can do.
Good Luck!
Dr. Naomi Baum, Psychologist
