As a child, I would nestle my head in the nook of my mother's arm and inhale her love. It was the best and safest place in the world. Her smell, concentrated in her fleshy upper arms, was of warm bread, oriental spices, and, now I know, feminine musk. Up to today, and as long as I live, like Proust's Madeleine, I can close my eyes, invoke the smell, and here it is, my mother's gift - unconditional love. - Chantal Danino Holt, Marriage Center Coordinator * * * My mother's gift to me was self-confidence.

By Karen, age 21 Ugggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh is the only thing that comes to mind when I think about my current relationship with my mom. Things just seem to get worse all the time. Everyone says raising teenagers is one of hardest parts of being a parent. But I feel bad for my parents now. For all those moms out there, with daughters in their early twenties, who may be displaying signs of this kind of conflict, please know two things... When I was a teenager, I was allowed to be a pain in the ass.

My thoughts about my father usually veer toward what he didn't give me. Like time: I was born when he was 64. He died when I was 15. Or real fathering: He grew senile at the same time I became an adolescent. I don't remember sitting on his lap or playing catch or hiking or bicycling or doing any of those things kids with "normal" fathers did. But. My father had been a game-playing, star-gazing world-traveling cosmopolitan type of guy in his youth and he passed on his loves to all of us kids.

By Adina Buxbaum, 16 When I was 12 my mother got remarried. My stepfather says that I was very lucky because I got to be at my own mother's wedding. In the beginning, I did not feel that tickled. I was hesitant about the big step that my family (mom and 2 other sisters, both younger than me) was going to take. The meaning of my mother getting married was moving to a whole new place and moving into my stepfather's house. It also meant that I was being adopted into a whole new family of people I didn't know. My stepfather has four brothers and sisters, and four children of his own. Even two grandchildren. So my uneasiness was understandable. But now at the age of 16 my uneasiness is gone.

Should we Stay Together for the Sake of the Children? We posted the following letter and asked how the rest of you feel about staying together in a bad marriage for the sake of the children. We are reposting the original question together with readers' reactions. If more of you wish to contribute, write us at: divorce@wholefamily.com Q"I've often heard that people, including psychologists, believe it is important for parents to stay together, even in a bad marriage, so the kids will benefit from having two parents, two role models.

Charlotte is trying to feed her one-and-one-half year old daughter, Zoe, breakfast in her high chair. She has cut a banana into tiny pieces and is handing her daughter the pieces. Charlotte: Why don't you eat bananas? You used to love bananas. Zoe shakes her head. Zoe: No want nanas.

Q Dear WholeFamily Counselor, My husband doesn't like to spend a lot of time with our two-month-old son. I try to get him to, but he says he will when he gets old enough to play a little. I think they are both missing out now. What can I do about this? A You should know that your husband's reaction is actually quite common. Since a newborn cannot yet "do" anything, many fathers feel that the infant does not yet need fatherly interaction, just basic care.

Do you sometimes feel guilty after being angry? Do you become impatient with yourself for feeling unhappy? Many people have difficulty dealing constructively with difficult feelings such as anger or unhappiness. Difficult feelings often foster more difficult feelings like guilt and impatience. For some people it may come as a surprise to learn that difficult feelings can be handled in a positive and constructive manner.

A friend of mine -- married for five years -- recently told me that she felt "bored" with her marriage. It might feel like boredom - same thing every day, nothing ever happens. But really, I think it's a lack of connection, even a pushing away. A non-sharing state. She said this without a shred of self-consciousness, like a reporter, who could only watch from the side and tell what she saw. I was riveted by her confession, because she is an intensely interesting -- and interested -- person.

1. Relate to your stepchildren as if they are your biological children. 2. Hug them and kiss them a lot. 3. Invest the same time and resources on your own children as you do on your step kids. 4. Always speak positively about your stepchildren's "other" parent or just keep quiet. 5. Be involved in your stepchild's life. Help them with their homework. Ask about their friends. 6. Share your life with your stepchildren. Tell them about your childhood. 7. Listen to your stepchildren; "check in" with them from time to time.